What follows are some funny tweets I found...enjoy!

"I just spent 20 minutes at the store choosing the best food with only organic ingredients for my dog, then took my kids to Burger King."

"Steps to survive on a dessert island:

1. check spelling

2. if correct, enjoy"

"Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way"

"Welcome to the DMV waiting room, if you don’t have a cough, one will be issued to you"

"Interviewer: what are your futureplans?

Me: lunch

Interviewer: I meant long term plans

Me: what, like dinner?"

"It's ok phone battery, I almost die every day too."

"If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches."