Stepping Out
“Traditional” gender roles have been swirling in my mind this week. My daughter needed a semi surgical procedure this week and, for several practical reasons, such as he is a doctor and the date worked better into his schedule, my husband brought her to the doctor’s office and I went to work. The fact that my husband is, technically, her step father notwithstanding, I was questioned by several people as to why I did not take my daughter to the doctor’s office as, “You are her mother.” Every time I was asked that question, it felt like a knife stabbed into my heart.
The next day, I appeared in court to continue a hearing. My male client testified that since he lost his job three years ago his current wife--who was employed--paid all the bills and gave him a weekly allowance. As such, he could not accurately testify as to the costs of certain household expenses or recent trips they had taken together as he did not pay for them. The judge stopped the testimony and told him that she did not find his “feigned ignorance” as to the costs of the expenses credible.
I challenged the judge on her observation and asked her if it was female “housewife” giving the same testimony whether she would make the same findings as to the witness’ credibility. Unfortunately, sometimes you do not do well when you challenge the “queen of the courtroom.” So, I then had to work diligently to quickly settle my case. But it bothered me tremendously to do so.
How can we step out of our traditional gender roles when others are so quick to place us right back in them?
Comments
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Your blog title just made me thing of this old song of same title:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lohb-4Gc-I
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I consider my relationship with my daughter one of the greatest things I've ever accomplished in my life. In a world where so many suffer from a lack of family structure/support and a lack of parenting, you shouldn't be offended by such comments, but emboldened by them.
Society attempts to draw certain lines for us and too often we tolerate it. Interesting that you challenged the judge, a position of significant power and intimidation, but it sounds like were more hesitant to re-educate your friends (maybe not just a guess). Roles, from a sociological standpoint are crucial and if we allow them to be devalued because of society's closed-mindedness, then we risk losing the massive benefits from their natural creation.
In business, we refer to it positively as delegation, but over the course of time because of gender disparity in power and freedom, roles have taken on a negative connotation. Consistently, when we become beholden to societal mindsets, we lose our own empowerment. Despite the positive evolution of social norms, we are as beholden to social opinion as ever (probably because of our technological advances).
Just saying (lol)…your friends are wrong and you are probably the last (or maybe second to last) person on earth that I would ever try explain to about the irreplaceable positive impact that your daughter received from the relationship she developed with your husband. Imagine the gaps that were filled, the potential weaknesses that were reinforced.
Hopefully others don’t understand it because they have not had such a need/opportunity develop in their lives. Unfortunately, with the prevalence of divorce, the truth is many parents don’t understand it because of the common practice of putting the parent’s wants and needs over that of the child. Sounds like you and your husband didn’t suffer from such an affliction
There is no value in roles being traditional, but there is immense value in roles being filled.
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Not sure how we are supp. to be everywhere--like magic.
Love these insightful comments!!!!
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