Submitted by Rona_Gura on

The First Time

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Lifestyle

Recently I was asked to provide my high school yearbook to be scanned for a preservation project. The request brought me back to a very painful memory. One, I do not believe I truly processed as an adult.  I immediately thought of something that had been written in my yearbook. Someone else had written it but, yet, I was embarrassed and ashamed. And I was not sure I wanted anyone else to see it. 

 

I remember being a 17-year-old senior in high school. I was very proud and excited about my high school yearbook as I was the Co-Editor in Chief.  I brought that yearbook with me everywhere. One day I brought it to Food Town where I worked part time in the produce department and asked friends there to sign it.

 

One “friend” wrote of another friend “Andrea [not her real name] is a f###ing Jew.”  I remember that when the “friend” handed me back the yearbook he smiled and thanked me for asking him to sign. 

 

When I read what he had written I was shocked, dumbfounded,  and had no idea how to respond. That was my first experience with blatant anti-Semitism. I did not know what to say or how to feel. I did not even know whether the writer knew that I was Jewish.

  

So I said nothing. I slowly closed my yearbook, brought it home and put the book on a shelf. I have barely looked at it since that day. The book has moved with me from place to place but does not get opened. Those words took away all the joy that my yearbook held for me. Those words also forced me to  face, at 17, a very hard truth; that anti-Semitism was very real and lived even in young hearts (the writer was also 17).

  

 

In the years since, I have dealt with anti-Semitism and gender discrimination much  more openly. Yet this experience still haunts me. Probably because I said nothing. What would you have done?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

Fred Klein

I brought my Year book to my 50th reunion and it was great!
Daniel Schwartz

Tough one Rona. I am faced with remarks often by people who don't know I am Jewish as well. I have gotten estimates from vendors on properties that used derogatory remarks, a popular one I hear is that "I am not going to Jew you" while giving me the estimate without realizing who I was. My usually initial remark is nothing. If it continues more than once, I will bring up the fact who I am and that it was offensive and the person usually apologizes. But it is too late and I would never consider hiring them. Back then at age 17, I don't blame you for saying nothing. No one teaches you how to react when subjected to any prejudice Sometimes taking it in is better before a potentially dangerous situation can occur. But today, I believe you are better equipped to deal with someone like that.
Shelley Simpson

Be grateful that you lived 17 years without experiencing anti-semitism. It is sad how we can let someone else's ignorance steal our joy. You punished yourself enough for something you were not equipped to deal with. Perhaps take another look and see how the experience shaped the person you have become and be proud of that.

Submitted by Greg on Mon, 11/22/2021 - 04:02

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Gregory Rose

It's hard to know, at any age, what to do in these situations. You can either speak out (in which case many fear more retribution) or keep silent because they don't know what their options are. Neither option is easy.
Victoria Drogin

This is such a difficult and sad situation for you to have experienced. I’m so sorry Rona. I experienced a lot of antisemitism when I was a kid, too. Because my last name didn’t sound Jewish, people didn’t realize I was. I was in a very Waspy prep school and a lot of it was un-thinking, pervasive. I continue to believe that the world gets better and is better in many ways than it was in prior generations. there is still anti-Semitism and other types of nasty thinking, but hopefully it will lessen over time. I think part of it stems from people who are unhappy looking to blame other people for their perceived misfortune. Historically, that was Germany before the war. I think that’s where a great deal of anger comes from today. We are a tribal species, sadly. I guess, all we can do is live the lives we choose to live, teach our children to be good people, and treat people generously with respect and compassion. My heart goes out to your younger self. There were many times when I didn’t speak up either. Now I would either gently or directly depending on the situation.
Nancy Schess

I've never heard you tell that story and I've known you longer than 17 years. From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry that you had that experience.
ODEY RAVIV

Sounds like a terrible experience that you had to live with. Facing anti-semitism head on is very tough. Growing up in NY, I never faced it. But , in a small college in PA. it was there. Your story sounds like it was lifted from book or movie. But, it was the truth!

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