Apology
I saw the headline in the Metro section of yesterday’s Wall Street Journal -- “The Politics of Apology: A Standoff”. On Tuesday, Victoria Drogin commented at the Long Island Women’s Group meeting that women tend to apologize, whereas men generally don’t. And I recall being instructed by a Senior partner at my first law firm never to apologize.
Apology - “an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret”. Although this is the second-listed definition in the Webster’s on my bookshelf (the first being “a formal justification” or “an excuse”), it works for me.
When I saw the headline referring to Mayor de Blasio’s current issue with the NYPD, I wondered whether Victoria’s comment was the missing kernel of understanding: He’s a man, therefore he won't apologize.
What is it about apologizing that makes it so difficult? Does the word carry some stigma? Or is it the process?
I’ve gotten over those early words of instruction and apologize -- but only when appropriate (and that may be the subject of another blog).
Comments
NULL
NULL
NULL
All kidding aside, apologies go a long, long way....for both parties.
NULL
NULL
I have no idea where Victoria gets her data from. I think she is wrong and should apologize!
NULL
Culturally, women tend to apologize automatically for things that don't require it - when someone bumps into them, for example, or for being the last one to enter a meeting even if they're not late. (This goes for asking permission too - As in: "Sorry, do you mind if I make a point here....") Men are culturally not as likely to do so. Especially in business.
Sometimes if we hurt someone by accident, or say or do something with an unanticipated negative effect, an apology is appropriate - even if we are not "wrong."
...But Paul, honey, this doesn't apply to you, because as we all know, you are NEVER wrong! Sorry.....
;)
NULL
I think De Blasio's approval rating would go up if he acknowledged the problem with what he's said - and how it landed with the NYPD - and apologized.
NULL
NULL
I know it's not easy to apologize....keep working on it!
NULL
At the same time from personal experience, I observed and encountered men -- professional and non-professional --preferring to waste mucho time avoiding any apologize for their actions/ inactions/ slights, etc. It's sort of version of referring something to a commission whose findings get reporting when no one cares or follows the incident/ matter.
As an aside it just occurred to me I would apply my above "analysis" to an admission of wrong, error or fault.
Add new comment