Often I find inspiration in other people' blogs.

Last week, someone whose opinion I respect greatly, commented on my blog about my self-examination.  They succinctly and kindly commented, "You can't change who you are. And don't try to."  At every level, this is incredibly sweet and clearly a compliment...but leave it to me to find a new level.  ;)

My response was in deference to their positive contribution.

"Actually, I have done it before and it was for the better. Perhaps there is a better iteration of me yet to be discovered. I often use the line from the former head of NASA that it is the height of ignorance to assume that the weather that currently exists on Earth is what it should be throughout eternity (or something like that). While in this case, the term ignorance is certainly directed toward me and not you, could the same concept apply? Could it not be the ultimate expression of either ignorance or arrogance to think that the person I am today is the same person that should be grasped on to with clenched fingers throughout eternity?"

I hope that neither my commenter, not anyone else gets offended by this, but I don't believe in mid-life crises, I don't believe in "over-the-hill" and I don't believe in "you can't teach an old dog new tricks."

For the first 17 years of my life I was miserable.  For the next 23 years of my life, I was not only incredible lucky and happy, but blessed. The past 5-6 years of my life, I have been struggling to find happiness, fulfillment and stability.  Not depressed, but without question at battle with life.  There is no doubt that I am being tested.

There are some who believe that your happiness is simply a function of you accepting your situation, that you simply choose whether or not to be happy regardless of your circumstances.  There are others who think that happiness is something to which people don't autmatically have a right, that most people aren't happy and that you just have to grow up and deal with it.  At this moment, I tend to feel that happiness is a function of talent, expectation, work ethic and yes, unquestionably luck.  Not luck as a fleeting, random thing, but luck as a cyclical entity that flows for both those looking to use it as an excuse, and those prepared to take advantage of the next inevitable opportuniy that knocks at the door.

There are plenty of people whose lives are easy compared to the rest of us.  I would dread being one of those people.   While there have been times where I have dreaded my own situation, there is nothing out there that I would allow to separate me from my challenges and my unmitigated accomplishments...even those that lie in my future.  I clearly must plan, must prepare, must improve myself to be in position to take the greatest advantage of the next opportunity that should knock on my door.  There will be plenty of time for me to accept who I am and who I was.  For now, I must keep searching for the right combination, fot the right mixture, for the right equation, to be the best person I can be.