In view of recent allegations against the New York governor (which this blog is not about) a long time female friend and I recently discussed the issue. We then began talking about different situations we have found ourselves in over the years wherein inappropriate things were said to us, all in professional settings. We discussed our outrage and individual responses to each situation.

During our discussion, a mutual friend’s name came up and certain comments he has made to each of us separately over the years. Interestingly, in discussing this friend the tone of our discussion changed from annoyance to laughter. In talking about this friend, we realized that didn’t feel the same resentment about his comments. And we realized that, because we each liked him, knew him for a long time, and generally thought him to be a nice guy, we each have been giving him a “pass” throughout the years.

Is it fair to give someone a “pass?” Is it reasonable to treat people differently with respect to inappropriate behavior? And, if not, how do you change years of behavior?