[Fredslist] Response to "Boys' Night Out at Rao's,

[Christopher Cooke]

So funny my stomach hurts from laughing. C.Cooke

Sent from my iPhone

On Aug 8, 2013, at 11:23 AM, "Tessa Marquis" <tmarquis at newstandardinstitute.com<mailto:tmarquis at newstandardinstitute.com>> wrote:

A friend sent me this yesterday, seems to be the followup to Dave’s post on Rao’s.

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table and, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean.

So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove,
I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight.
I love you, darling!

Jack stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the mornin newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and out of your mind You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed....

"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time. . PRICELESS


Tessa Marquis
Gotham New Haven
New Standard Institute, Inc.
Specializing in Electrical & Mechanical Skills and Maintenance Management training.
“Training that Works…for People who Work”
84 Broad Street  |  Milford, CT 06460  |  USA
203.783.1582 x101
tmarquis at newstandardinstitute.com<mailto:tmarquis at newstandardinstitute.com>



From: fredslist-bounces at gothamnetworking.com<mailto:fredslist-bounces at gothamnetworking.com> [mailto:fredslist-bounces at gothamnetworking.com] On Behalf Of David Abeshouse
Sent: Wednesday, August 07, 2013 12:24 PM
To: Fred'sList
Subject: [Fredslist] "Boys' Night Out at Rao's, " The Postscript (a/k/a/ Part 4)


“Boys’ Night Out at Rao’s,” The Postscript (a/k/a/ Part 4)

This is what has become my annual review of Rao’s and (some of) what happens there at Boys’ Night Out (as Fred has coined it) on the first Tuesday evening of August.  The venture is courtesy of our always gracious and generous host, Fred.  My first Rao’s experience (kind of like losing one’s culinary and sociological virginity – I said, “kind of”) was in August 2010, and I wrote about it here: http://www.gothamnetworking.com/page/reviews  (By the way, kudos and thanks to our Gotham Webmaster for graciously retrieving from our former Gotham Networking website the previous years’ reviews, and posting them on the new Gotham site – no simple task, but readily do-able for our intrepid Webmaster.  As of this writing, the 2010 and 2011 reviews are on the linked page already: The first edition, from 2010, is at the bottom; the middle piece is by fellow Gothamite David Henry, about a separate trip to Rao’s; and the 2011 edition is just above that; resurrection of my 2012 review is in the works.  Thanks, Mitch!) I highly recommend at least a quick reading of the prior reviews – particularly the first (2010) one -- as I hope not to be too redundant here.  And the 2012 edition explains why we believed that last year was the “Final Chapter,” although Fred somehow snatched victory from the jaws of defeat, allowing us a 2013 experience, summarized below, as the “Postscript.”

The three Long Island participants take turns driving, so last evening, I drove the L.I. contingent in from our secret meeting place behind Kitchen Kabaret in East Hills, off Glen Cove Road, near the L.I.E. (whoops, I guess I revealed the secret; that’s the only time I’ll blab in this review, I promise).  We arrived early, around 6:15, and hung out on the corner outside Rao’s, chatting for about 20 minutes, before repairing to the bar to commence libations.  Fred and the others followed soon after.  The seven of us (one of last year’s eight couldn’t make it) moved from the bar to the table around 7:15, to begin the repast.  The celebrants of Boys’ Night Out were Fred, Lonnie, John, Odey, and three Daves (two lawyers and a doctor – a Jewish mother’s dream from the 70s; nowadays she’d likely prefer a plumber, an electrician, and a techie from the Geek Squad).

It's a little different each time at Rao’s, due to small shifts in the attendees, the food and drink ordered, the atmosphere and mood.  Fred said he wanted to “slow things down, make it last longer,” like a vacation that ends too soon. While ordering the appetizers, he mused that before we know it, we'll be finishing dessert.  For an optimist, he’s quite a pessimist.

Odey came up with a new idea – he purchased three Powerball tickets: one QuickPick, one “good guys” ticket and one “bad guys” ticket.  We had to guess the significance of the numbers in the two latter categories – it turns out that they were the uniform numbers of “good guy” baseball players (like Mantle, if you ignore his penchant for over-imbibing) and “bad guy” baseball players (like A-Rod).  The best part?  Odey promised that if any of the three tickets is a winner, the seven of us will share equally the $425 million (or other) winnings.  The obligation was witnessed by the entire table, and now is memorialized in writing, so Odey’s on the hook for a big number, if we win tonight’s drawing.  Fred hedged his bet by also buying his own Lotto tix for his family.

Speaking of baseball, Odey also was the first one to spot fellow Rao’s patron Bobby Valentine (the popular former NY Mets manager) at the table next to us.  While we’re stargazing, I’ll note that across the dimly-lit room, we also saw Charlie Rose, or a pretty good imposter.  And there was the aging Mafioso whose name shall not be mentioned and whose photograph shall not be taken.  And a young woman whose tattoo “sleeve” caught Fred’s attention (he mentioned it at least seven times, I think, and not necessarily in complimentary fashion; more like, WTF?).  And at the table on the other side of ours, there were four (dare I say aging?) women, to whom Fred explained “Boys’ Night Out” and analogized their event to ours (nice try, Fred).  And if my wife reads this, yes dear, they were much, much, much older than you and your friends.

Ribald humor was, as usual, part of the order of the evening.  I could tell you some of the jokes and the conversation, but then I’d have to kill you.  Or my wife might snuff me while I sleep.  Or Joanne might “off” Fred.  This is why what happens at Rao’s on Boys’ Night Out, stays at Rao’s.  Fred, you can thank me later.

Always the consummate host, as soon as we ordered, Fred was concerned that we might not have ordered enough food.  As if that were possible.  Yes, we shared only two bottles of wine this time (which made the drive home safe and easy).  Yes, we did order less food than previous times – no, Fred, that doesn’t make us dainty women; rather, it makes us a bit more conscious, in several respects.  Everything is family-style, so you can decide how much or little to glom onto your plate.  I left feeling very satisfied, but not in pain, like the first time.  So I think we did indeed “slow it down.”  We ordered the following, and it all was very good: Appetizers: seafood salad (always excellent), fresh mozzarella (out-of-this-world silky and delicious) and tomato, baked clams (top-notch).  Pasta course: sausage-orchiette-broccoli rabe-garlic (a favorite!), penne filetto (that’s a nice-a), ethereal meatballs.  Main course: veal (tender) and steak (the latter was much better than in previous years, when candidly it’d been the low point of the meal).  Dessert: tartufo and chocolate, amazing raspberry, vanilla ice creams.  Double espressos.  And the house always buys our table an after-dinner Frangelico, Limoncello, Sambuca, or other drink.

I’d brought along a bottle of Fernet Branca for after the meal.  If you don’t know what it is, Google it (it’s an unusual 90 proof digestive aid that some say has magical properties, a favorite among bartenders, and definitely is an acquired taste, unless you enjoy medicinal herbal booze).  I felt compelled to share and turn on the assemblage to this controversial beverage, and I even distributed a brief fact-sheet about it (so shoot me, I’m a lawyer).  BTW, Lonnie actually already was a fan of Fernet Branca – I think one would be hard-pressed to introduce Lonnie to anything he doesn’t already know about!

Rao’s generally doesn't accept checks....so guess how Fred paid?

Lonnie drove Fred home; during the ride, Fred called Dr. Dave every few minutes (mostly intentionally, but several times by “pocket-dialing” him).  I couldn’t hear Dave’s speakerphone well, but it sounded like Fred either was feigning or genuinely concerned that Lonnie was taking him to parts unknown (perhaps to imbibe further) rather than home (as Fred’s bedtime was approaching).

If I never get to go to Rao’s again, I’ve had four great, but each time slightly different, experiences.  If I do get to go again, I’ll try to make my review a bit shorter.

Best regards,

David
Gotham L.I.

David J. Abeshouse
Law Office of David J. Abeshouse
626 RXR Plaza | Uniondale, New York 11556
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